Leaving work for my lunch break, I tend to always bring a book along so I can close out a few chapters after I finish eating. This particular afternoon I had with me “The End Of Patriarchy” by Robert Jensen. An insightful look into patriarchy and its constraints on society. With such a bold title I often draw attention and conversation whenever reading it in public i.e “nice read?” or “interesting?”. Sat across from me I met the gaze of a woman around the same age as myself, completely captivated by her looks, I almost felt inclined to converse with her. But surprisingly enough she approached me and while I could tell there was more to her than meets the eye, it still did not prepare me for the question she would ask me.
“Are you a feminist?” she asked. Completely bewildered by the question as a conversation starter I stared at her with a befuddled face, picking up on this she pointed at the book in my hand. “Are you a feminist?” she repeated. At this point after her asking twice, there was suspense upon my answer and almost a build-up, sensing this I quickly blurted out “No”. Clearly staring at me disappointed she asked: “Why?”. Let me first say if you ever want to catch a man looking like a complete tit and embarrassing themselves ask them if they are a feminist because my response, Christ, was probably the most unintelligent and ignorant thing to ever come out of my mouth. Clearly unimpressed “You boys are all the same, you’re so scared to say if you are and most of you don’t even know what it is” she said as she left. I sat there cock in hand and I thought to myself “What’s the point?”.
Growing up in a Nigerian household in Ireland my morales and beliefs were all shaped and aligned with one of a good nature yet still a bit conservative. It was only until I moved out for uni that I began to question what I was raised on – “Should man and man be together?” “Should women be allowed to abort a child?”. All these questions went out of the window and I found myself understanding the world better. I enjoyed this and I wanted to know more, learn more, so I started reading more books, thus how I ended up with “The End of Patriarchy”. I thought I was learning, I thought I was being more accepting, I thought I was furthering myself yet here I am being too cowardly to support a movement, not even a movement but an ideology as I felt it questioned my manhood.
I must thank this woman though, without her, I would’ve stayed stuck in my ways and continue to deceive myself that I was aware. I truly believed I was different from my male peers, educated on all things feminism and equal rights. I now realize I have a lot to learn. I am not writing this article to try and mansplain feminism to you, I’m writing this piece in hopes to help inspire my peers to join me in educating ourselves on the fight for equal rights and apply it to our daily lives, as I’ve learned its one thing to know about it and another to proudly say you embrace it. Knowledge is power but what is power when it is of no use.
To anyone reading this right now who is on the edge of supporting feminism. I want you to close your eyes and think for a second, what are the flaws in the issues it seeks to resolve? Is it equal pay? Better representation in political offices? Being liberated from men? or Not being sexually harassed or assaulted by men? I take it you couldn’t find one, how could you? All women have been fighting for from the get-go is equal rights and opportunities but somehow by the powers of man and our favored system of patriarchy we have brainwashed and lead society to go against it. A perfect example of this would be a quote taking from former presidential candidate Pat Robertson- “The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.”
I believe the continuous belittlement and mockery of feminism have taken light away from the real issue and created a persona that all feminists are angry triggered women. I remember a video circulating on Facebook back when I was in secondary school of Peter Lloyd mocking Kate Smurthwaite on Sky News by saying “Sticks and Stones may break my bones but there will always be something to offend a feminist”. At the time, I must admit, I found this to be the funniest thing ever as did every guy I know. Peter Lloyd was referred to as a legend, hero and so on, but what had he really done? Cracked a joke at the expense of an ideology based on equality? Instances like this continue to play part in the trend of anti-feminism and its stereotypes. Its time we rid these stereotypes of no base. Is being passionate about living in an egalitarian society or wanting women to not be constantly belittled by men section you to this stereotype?
No, it doesn’t and its time we, men, in particular, realise this and step up by joining in the pursuit of equality. Let’s change our habits, correct our flaws and do better. We’ve somehow concocted a notion that women’s equality is no longer an issue, but as I touched in my last article, we are nowhere near a fairer society or equal standards. We can no longer just sit back and watch, we must educate and implement. Don’t be afraid to say you want equality or that you are feminist because it might question your manhood. Be proud to want to live in a better world and have a better understanding of it. So believe me next time I am asked, I will say “yes” and I implore all my peers to do the same because after all, men of quality don’t fear equality.